


unspoken words

by kaorol



Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-12
Updated: 2017-11-02
Packaged: 2019-01-16 12:14:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12342513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaorol/pseuds/kaorol
Summary: "It hurts. It hurts to see him happy with someone other than himself. Then why did he keep listening? Could that pain really hide hope underneath? How foolish of him. He was foolish from the start.He loves Hajime. He really does, maybe since the first day. He probably loves him more than she ever will. Why was she there with him?"





	1. -

**Author's Note:**

> aaa hello hello!!! ok so. uhm. im trash
> 
> i really wanted to write a komahina fic since they cursed my dick since i started playing sdr2 aaaa nndd uh. there it is. i would literally die for their happiness but i also want them to fucking s u f f e r  
> hopefully the next (and last) chapter will be happier so yeah!! i hope i would not procrastinate too much and finish it quicky
> 
> lastly, english is not my first language so im really sorry if you found out some mistakes! i did my best to not fuck up too much but (shrug emoji)  
> so yeah!!! i hope you liked it!! thanks for reading this thing guys (souda voice) you're the true mvp here

Everytime they go to the beach, he always forgets to put on some sunscreen. No matter how many times they tell him to be careful, his mind just doesn’t seem to record that single, simple thing: his pale, soft and fragile skin would have been defenseless once again and he would have got a sunburn, just like last time. Not that it really matters to him: if the pain he feels represents nothing but a stepping stone for the ultimate hope, then he would gladly accept it. Yeah. Or something like that.  
«Oi, Komaeda! What are you doing, come here!»  
A sudden, carefree voice broke the chain of his thoughts, and in the blink of an eye he was back to the bridge of the second island. He stood up, walking in the direction of that sound.  
Souda put down the box he was carrying around, breathing heavily right after. The others perhaps assigned him a work he didn’t really want to do, or maybe forced him to, knowing him. Even if he was somehow okay with that, that box looked really heavy.  
«Listen, can you help me bring the other box to the beach house? I really don’t wanna do the same road another time…»  
«Ah… you’re actually asking me…? An ultimate like you, talking to someone like me- _asking_ trash like me for _help_ … ah, I really am-»  
«Yeah, yeah, whatever you say» he quickly cut off his not-so-inner monologue, a bothered expression on his face. He did it again, didn’t he? «Do you wanna help me or what?»  
He nodded, not letting another word escape his lips. Sometimes it’s better to just stay silent.

 

The path to the beach house seemed harder now that he was carrying around a further weight, but he wasn’t complaining at all.  
«Hey, thanks for the help, man. You’re the true mvp here.»  
He shook his head. «Don’t mention it!»  
It’s great. Talking with someone, getting a breath of fresh air- not to mention the sound of the waves hitting the sand and the scent of the sea- it really helps in lighting up your mood. Yeah. At least, until you see something that makes your mind crumble again in a million pieces.  
_He was with her today too._  
Hinata and Nanami were hanging out a lot lately, and the others _of course_ started having their own theories. They always used the same “we’re just friends” line to shake off all the questions they received, but that not only didn’t stop the ultimates’ curiosity, but it also made the whole fact more suspicious. The girl just yawned and looked away, detached, like it was not her business, like she wasn’t even there in the first place.  
_Disgusting._  
Komaeda sighed, letting go of the box like Kazuichi suggested him to. He left that in a place far, far away from the center of the discourse, just so he didn’t feel forced to listen to all the stupid stuff they had to say. Too bad he could still hear them from that spot.  
«Sooo, aren’t you two dating? It’s obvious right now!»  
The musician’s words hit him, they hit him hard: piercing, lasting, they kept hurting his heart like a sharp blade, the pain that lingered.  
«Mioda-san- what do you mean?»  
_Stop that. Who do you think you’re fooling?_  
It hurts. It hurts to see him happy with someone other than himself. Then why did he keep listening? Could that pain really hide hope underneath? How foolish of him. He was foolish from the start.  
He loves Hajime. He really does, maybe since the first day. He probably loves him more than she ever will. _Why was she there with him?_  
He was special. He wanted to understand him, even though his mind was nothing but a twisted mess, he wanted to be close to him, he accepted him- he was beautiful, in his own way.  
His smile, and the laugh he couldn’t contain when he said something silly- he really was something else. He had the ability to draw everyone close to him with his charm, one way or another, and it was a dangerous weapon for him.  
Gaze does something terrible to him. When their eyes meet, he can’t help but wanting him. That’s why he always lowers his stare when they talk: he can’t allow himself to desire him, to crave his whole body as if it was his own property. It’s not like him at all. Besides, he will never be his. Hinata is like a magnet, but no matter how many times he tries to draw him near, Nagito will never be something worth attracting.  
_Because it’s better to not get too involved with him._  
«Well~ you two seem to really get along lately…»  
«…because Usami told us to be friends? Like the rule of the school trip says?»  
_Stop it. Stop it._  
«Heeh?! Is that so? Ibuki is not sure about that!»  
_Stop it. It hurts. Why can’t everyone just be quiet?_  
«It’s really nothing…»  
_Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop, stop, stop! Just stop!_  
«Uh~? Are you sure you don’t wanna tell us something?»  
Komaeda turned his back on the others and flied away from the beach. He didn’t look back. It’s enough stupid chit-chat he really doesn’t care about for the day. He just wanted to go back to his cottage, take some pills and sleep like nothing ever happened. As usual. As if that would really help. But it was still better than getting dragged into a nasty, sickening talk like that.

 

~

Not a single cloud in the sky. Usually, a sight like that would bring him joy, but his feelings were more messed up than usual after what happened that morning. He couldn’t wipe out his memory of him, of _them_ , being all happy and shit and God! God, it was absolutely nerve-wracking. Time passed, and each second rage grew more and more into him, jealousy making its way into his lungs: viciously, harmfully, venomous, like a treacherous parasite infecting his body until the death of every cell, making him nothing but an empty shell of sorrow and grief. Thinking about it carefully, maybe that was the ending he deserved. Dying while watching with his own two eyes that same, exact scene: that thought alone made him boil with even more anger, causing him to crush the cigarette he was holding with his own hand. He exhaled deeply, while pulling out another one from the package: smoking helps you loosen up a little, at least that’s what he read, yeah, too bad he didn’t really know how to smoke, or have a lighter. He only went to the market to buy one packet _just for the hell of it_ , because it was cool to hold them in your mouth like a lollipop. Not sure if that was really how you use one.  
«What’s wrong with you?!»  
Great question. Fuyuhiko walked towards him, raising an eyebrow between confusion and annoyance. Komaeda waved him good evening, a little smile on his face.  
«Since when did you start smoking?»  
«I don’t. I just found this on my way to the marked and I thought, “why not”?»  
A pause.  
«So you’re saying you found this cigarette on the ground.»  
«Basically.»  
«And you still wanna put one of them in your mouth?»  
He let out a low-pitched groan. «What’s wrong with it?»  
«Are you fucking serious?! It’s dirty! If someone threw them away, there should be a reason!»  
«Come on now~ what could possibly go wrong?»  
_«You could die.»_  
Woah. The other boy laughed softly, caught off guard by that unexpected answer. «Aren’t you exaggerating a bit?»  
He shrugged, mumbling something the other didn’t really understand. Probably some cuss words he didn’t really want to say out loud to not hurt his already broken ego. How considerate of him.  
«Well, anyway, I’m sure you will be fine- with a talent like that, you know. It’s almost impressive.»  
Oh, yeah, his talent, that _total delusion_. It was shameful to even address it at something like that.  
«Ah, I don’t think it’s really _that_ special… if I had the chance, I would have already traded it for another talent.»  
_«That sounds so cool!»_ all of a sudden, Souda came out from the bushes and took the lead of a conversation he wasn’t even part of. «You know, this whole “swapping talents” thing!»  
«Were you hiding there the whole fucking time?!»  
«Okay, hear me out» he completely ignored the other one and his following “no one asked you” comment. «If I had to, I would switch my talent with Miss Sonia’s because I wanna be a princess!»  
Silence. Kuzuryuu stared at him like he just murdered someone right in front of his eyes.  
«Even as a prince you would still be useless.»  
«I said I wanna be a princess! Can’t you hear me? I wanna wear pretty dresses!»  
«And I’m sure you also want to ride a fancy carriage to go to the ball and dance with the man of your dreams?»  
«Nah man, I’ll go there just to fuck mr prince know-it-all charming up! I would talk to the other guests though, they have to be so interested in the shit I have to say! Like, _“hey did you know that Snow white was poisoned again?! Fuck, can you fucking believe this shit? Fuck I just heard this shit”_!»  
They argued for quite a bit until Komaeda started giggling, amused by their little discourse. He excused himself the moment he became aware of how rude he might have sounded: the mechanic didn’t mind, but the other didn’t really appreciate that.  
«Hear me out: I’m going back to my cottage. I don’t want any of you to talk to me for the rest of the day.»  
He said, leaving the pool without another word.  
«Well, _mafia kid_ there sure gets pissed easily!»  
_“It’s partially your fault, you know…”_ he wanted to say, but ended up answering with a nervous laugh.  
«By the way, how are you feeling now?»  
«Huh? What do you mean?»  
«You can’t fool me! You were in a bad mood today, you left without saying anything- you sure you’re alright?»  
It’s then that he realized: he was talking about this morning, he noticed something was wrong. Maybe the others did too. Maybe he did.  
Well, wasn’t that great.  
«Aaaah, yeah, yeah… I just remembered I left something in my room but in the end I fell asleep…»  
_Please tell me he bought it. Even if that was the lamest excuse ever._  
«Really?» he inspected him head to toe, before shrugging. «Oh, well. Still, I made you laugh with that joke, so it’s fine!»  
Eh?  
Nagito gave him a confused look, but he understood what he meant. _He said that just to cheer him up a little._ Because he knew something was up with him. He closed his eyes, showing him a warm smile.  
«Yeah. Thank you.»  
«Anytime, man! You’re- still kind of a creep, but that doesn’t mean you should always be sad, I guess.»  
_I guess…_  
Kazuichi gave him a small bump on the shoulder, before telling him goodnight: he waved back at him and took his leave after a little while. He was stopped on his way to the cottage by Fuyuhiko’s voice, surprising as usual.  
«Can you give me that?»  
He pointed at the cigarette in his mouth, still useless. Komaeda gave him what he wanted, and he turned his back to him only to reveal a strong smell of hot tobacco and a red lighter.  
«You can have that. If Usami finds you out, don’t tell her about me.»  
And he vanished. Again. Still, at the end of the day he got a free pack of cigarette, a new, useful way of throwing away the stress and a lighter he didn’t pay for.  
He really was lucky, huh?

~

Smoking is hard when you never tried it before: you literally have to inhale something that you heard was “bad for you” from every person you met in your life. But does that really stops someone from doing it? As if. That’s why he chose to try one just to see if that really helped- yes, he ended up coughing _a lot_ during his first attempts, but he managed to get used to it eventually. It felt good, yeah, maybe he was feeling better now, who knows. Probably the bitter taste of the fresh tobacco already seeped through his brain. Now, he had just two more things to do: throw away the cig like it never existed in the first place, and get the hell out of there. No one should have known about what just happened, even if it was just a one-time thing, not Usami, not-  
«…Komaeda?»  
_Shit._  
He instantly turned around towards that _too familiar_ voice coming from two cottages before his. How great, just the last person he wanted to be seen by like that. Well, time to act like nothing happened again: he forced a friendly smile, not looking at him in the face. If he did, he would have betrayed himself.  
«Hinata-kun, hi. Trouble sleeping?»  
«Not really, but- since when did you start smoking?»  
«It’s just for today.»  
«What?!»  
«I just thought, eh, why not? I read that it helps you clear the stress~.»  
«What kind of books do you read- listen, forget about that, okay? There are _way_ better things that could help you with that! Smoking is bad for your health, don’t you ever think about doing something so stupid again!»  
_How annoying._ Komaeda took a drag on his cig, hoping that the smoke would’ve left him breathless on the ground.  
«Why do you care, anyway.»  
«Hah?! What do you mean?»  
«I meant what I said. Why do you care.» there’s a sour note in the way he said “you”, and Hajime couldn’t help but notice it.  
«Why wouldn’t I?!»  
«Because I’m just a lowly, despicable human being?»  
«Komaeda, not this again! You’re nothing like that!»  
«Yeah? And how could you know that?»  
«Because I know you!»  
«Lies. You’re just going to throw lies at me. You should stop caring about me, once and for all. Do yourself a favor and stay away from me, I’m just a coward and- you’re amazing, you’re too good for me, I-»  
In that moment, Nagito knew he said more than he actually planned to. He glanced at Hajime out of the corner of his eye, just to discover that both of them were feeling the same kind of embarrassment flowing through their bodies: Hajime had a thin veil of red on his ears, and he bet he was wearing the same one.  
_Fuck._  
«Ehm- Komaeda-»  
«It’s getting late. You should go to sleep.»  
He entered his room as fast as possible, closing the door behind his shoulders. The other called him out for a short while, but gave up sooner than expected. Komaeda let his shoulders travel the length of the door, slowly sitting against it: he breathed soundly, as if his worries could come out of his mouth and disappear forever just like that. How stupid. He even forgot to put out his cigarette before coming in. Now how in earth could he dispose of that piece of evidence? He could put it on, who knows, the shelf, and put it in the trash the day after. But first of all, he needed something to use to put that thing out, since there were no ashtrays in the room. He looked down at his hand, an adrenalin rush passing through his veins without any warnings: unsafe, unpredictable, like the thoughts it bought.  
Pain has never been something he was afraid of. Because no matter how big the despair is, the hope that comes after is just as good as the first one. That’s why he didn’t hesitate.  
It lasted only for a split seconds. The contact between the burning top of the cigarette and the back of his hands was painful, almost unbearable: he bit his lower lip in order to suppress his screaming, but he couldn’t stop the tears from falling down his cheeks. He closed his eyes, pressing the top harder against his skin: it was hard to breathe, especially because an intense stench of grilled meat started filling the air as the mark on his hand gradually got bigger, but he didn’t dare to stop until the smoke finally disappeared. A sweet sensation of satisfaction pervaded him, as his laugh began to fill all the empty spaces of the chamber. He moved his tear-filled gaze to the fresh wound, a sympathetic grin peeking out from his face.  
_«Pathetic.»_

 

~

«All done!»  
Mikan fixed the bandages around his head, making sure they weren’t too tight. She tried her best to conceal a concerned look in her eyes, but her talent and her naïve personality prevented her from doing so.  
«Uhm- if I can ask… what happened to you?»  
A deep breath.  
«It’s- kind of embarrassing, but... I fell from a very high tree in Central Island…»  
_Welcome to the show, Tsumiki. How long do you want me to lie?_  
It was an ambiguous and suspicious excuse, but the nurse was convinced of his strange alibi, presumably because he himself was the ambiguous and suspicious type in the first place.  
«J-just be careful from now on! What if you hurt yourself really badly?!»  
_«I’ll be fine. I wanted this.»_  
His tone became suddenly hoarse and gloom could be seen in his eyes: self-harm was not the best option in the word, but the more pain he felt, the more he stopped thinking about him. That’s why he almost burned his hand some days ago, or cut his skin with a glass shard, or hit his head against the wall countless times- who cared about his own body, or his well-being, when he was the first one who didn’t give a damn?  
The girl started looking at him quite uncomfortably, opening and closing her mouth repeatedly, like she was trying to say something but the words just didn’t want to come out.  
«Komaeda-san…»  
He noticed worry in her voice, so he rapidly shrugged off all his thoughts and gave her a gentle smile. _“Don’t worry about someone like me, you’ll only get in trouble”._  
«Sorry, Tsumiki-san, I’m still out it. I’ll go rest a bit like you suggested me to.»

 

~

«Komaeda-san?»  
Another voice he was already too accustomed to. He wasn’t really in the mood for short talk, or talk in general, but he forced himself to listen to the words of the other girl.  
«Nanami-san- what are you doing here all by yourself?»  
_“Isn’t Hinata-kun with you today too”_ he wanted to add, but in the end he refrained.  
«I was about to go to my cottage» she affirmed. «Are you back from the hospital? You look like you hurt yourself again.»  
«Haha, yeah…»  
She stood in silence for a bit, recommending then a sincere «You should go rest a bit.»  
«I know- I wanted to go somewhere before.»  
«Somewhere else?»  
«Somewhere else.»  
Chiaki looked at him cautiously, like she was trying to figure out the best choice between pressing on the subject or leaving him be. Luckily for him, she opted for the second one.  
«I see. Then see you later or tomorrow?»  
She was about to leave, but something burst inside his body: he had to tell her that. He had to know.  
«Nanami-san?»  
«What is it?»  
«Are you happy?»  
An easy, but also straightforward question that included many other things: are you happy with your life here? Are you happy with the person you’ve become? Are you happy _with him_?  
She appeared deep in her thoughts for a moment, yet she succeeded to say what he expected to hear.  
«I am. I think?»  
A resigned smile.  
_“I guess I have to deal with it now.”_  
«I’m happy for you.»

 

~

The shades of the sunset were always so pretty and charming, as if they were made to calm a shaken heart: he never paid too much attention to them, but now that he became aware of their incredible healing power he started considering the idea of coming there every afternoon before the sun went down. Well, but just if-  
«Komaeda!»  
Good, that was the day of the unwanted conversations. Couldn’t he just relax a bit, _alone_ , for once?  
«Hinata-kun. I didn’t expect to see you here.»  
“ _Why are you here”,_ in other words.  
«Yeah, me neither.»  
«Hm? What do you mean with that?»  
«Nanami told me to go check you out. She said you were acting strange- well, more than usual.»  
_Fantastic._  
«Look at you. You’re a mess.»  
«I’m a grown man now, I don’t need you watching over me.»  
«I think you’re 14 and you’re an idiot.»  
He averted his gaze, half-offended, half-tired: if his talent was worth something, then he would’ve left him without asking too many questions. He thought it was about to happen when he breathed out exhausted, but he sat down next to him instead.  
«I know you’re upset, but listen» he pulled out a bright pink ticket from his pocket. «Usami gave me this today. Tomorrow I’m going to pick you up _whenever you want_ and we’ll hang out _wherever you want_ , and you. Are going to. Tell me. Everything.»  
He firmly spelled out his last words, making them sound not far off an actual threat, and yet he understood his intentions. _He was seriously worried about him_. A part of him was really happy about it, but the other one kept screaming “please don’t, I’ll only bring misfortune to you, please run away from me”, in a crescendo of mixed up emotions in his head.  
«Are you threatening me?» he tried to joke around, probably to ignore the chaos in his head.  
«Maybe.»  
The other smiled at it, and he didn’t know how, but that made him somehow fearsome. A small laugh escaped Nagito’s lips in response.  
«Don’t say that! You’re scary!»  
The two of them spent time with each other longer than they expected: they talked about all sort of things, played around, and even watched the daylight fading together. With the smell of the sea and Hajime’s perfume combined together in a deadly aroma, he felt like he was about to fall asleep right on the back of his neck. Well, to be honest, he was already half-asleep in that same position, he was just too sleepy to notice. Hinata didn’t really mind it, actually, he didn’t dare to move a single muscle because he feared it would’ve woken the other up, and he wasn’t _that_ cruel. Plus, Nagito looked surprisingly cuter when he wasn’t babbling nonsense.

 

~

«Hinata-kun? Can I ask you something?»  
They went back to the hotel together after Hajime kept insisting that it was still dangerous to leave him alone: the atmosphere between them was pretty calm and relaxed, unlike the previous one.  
«Mh? What’s wrong?»  
He hazarded.  
«What would you do if I died?»  
The other looked at him straight in the eyes.  
«Don’t ask something so morbid at a time like this…»  
«Was that too sudden? I apologize» he said in an oddly cheerful voice. «I was just curious- I don’t really think the others would care if somebody like me died…»  
«There you go again! Listen, we are _all_ friends, of course we would care! I’m sure Tsumiki would give her best to cure you as soon as possible! And we would come visit you every day, just so you don’t have to feel alone!»  
He blinked. «Is that so…»  
«Yeah! So don’t even think about that, got it?»  
Nagito shook his hands in front of his shirt, an apologetic expression ready to adorn his features.  
«I get it, I get it! You look scary when you’re serious!»  
«You already said it before.»  
«Still…»  
The instant they stopped talking, Hajime’s cottage was already in plain sight. A feeble sigh escaped his lips as he reached for his door.  
«See you tomorrow.»  
Komaeda smiled brightly, waving him goodbye back.  
«Yeah. See you tomorrow.»

 

~

The usual morning announcement woke him up like any other day: yes, it was an ordinary day like the others, but today was _the_ day! Hinata took a peek at the ticket on his shelf, and his mind was immediately full of thoughts of him. He has never been one to admit his feelings so lightly, but he looked forward to their meeting: he firmly grabbed his student e-book and opened the map in order to check Komaeda’s position, but he never expected to see something so… weird.  
«Huh? Why is everyone at Jabberwock Park-?»  
It Usami wanted to gather everyone there, she would’ve warned every single one- something was going on, and he already didn’t like that. He dressed up as fast as possible and hurried to the Central Island.

 

There were a few people missing, but most of them were standing around some undefined thing. He tried to make his way through the crowd, but was stopped by a powerful voice.  
«Oi, Hinata! Don’t go near it!»  
Akane warned him loud and clear, but he _needed_ to know.  
They say that curiosity killed the cat. And it was true, because he never expected to be a witness of that event.  
White hair were scattered all over the place, and the ones still present on his cold body were soaked with the scarlet liquid he never wanted to see. He was swimming in a pool of blood that leaked in his already dirty clothes. His face wasn’t visible, but he knew he was in a lot of pain: that’s why he wanted to talk to him about it, that’s why he wanted to help him, that’s why they were supposed to meet today! But now everything appeared meaningless, empty, useless, he was all of that combined together.  
_Komaeda was dead, and he couldn’t do a single thing about that._  
He stood there watching that scene, unable to do anything else besides wheezing and hoping that he was still dreaming.  
«Nidai ran over to the hotel to bring Tsumiki here… I hope they come soon…»  
He didn’t want to hear any of them anymore. That wasn’t true, he was still alive- he had to, right?! Ignoring all the voices that told him to stop and come back, he ran towards the hotel like there was no tomorrow: he really wanted to cry, to let out all the rage and sadness he felt, but he was too broken to even shed a single tear. Once he arrived at Komaeda’s cottage, he slammed the door open, hoping with all his heart that it was just a stupid prank and he was still there.  
But the cottage was empty.  
_“Hinata-kun? Can I ask you something?”_  
He fell to his knees, muttering confused words to himself only: he bit his lip and found himself trembling, and just then, he was finally able to burst into tears. Bitter tears full of melancholy coming out of his aching heart.  
«Fuck… fuck! We were supposed to go out today! Idiot!!»  
Complaining to the dead wasn’t going to solve anything, but that was the only thing he could do: even after his death, he managed to monopolize his thoughts, that were once again full of their empty promises and unspoken words.

 

_“What would you do if I died?”_


	2. -

«Oi, Hinata! Over here!»  
His eyes widened, bringing him back to reality. For a moment, he actually forgot he was supposed to accompany Souda in one of his _special journeys_ that day, not like he was really excited about that, since he was technically forced to: he doesn’t want to go, but who knows how, he never has the courage to say no to Souda’s pleadings. Probably because he knows he won’t leave his cottage without a yes. How troublesome.  
Spacing out during those trips was common for him, but lately focusing on something else seemed really hard and tricky.  
A week passed and still no updates from him: was he alright? Did he start breathing again? Did he ever had a chance of waking up again? He trusted Mikan and her talent, of course, but after all this time he couldn’t help but start losing hope. The hope of seeing him again, of talking to him like nothing happened at all, of finally hanging out like he promised- but for now, everything sounded like nothing but a distant dream.  
His conditions were bad, even the Ultimate Nurse wasn’t really sure if he was going to survive, but decided to take care of him anyway. He remembers that scene, of course he does. His lifeless body lifted from the ground and carried to the hospital in the shortest amount of time, his hair wavering in the wind, his face twisted in a never-ending state of sleep- oh, how he wished he was just sleeping. How. Maybe that was just one of his pranks. Maybe he was just trying to mess with them. That would have been just like Nagito, right?  
_How foolish._  
«Hinata? Hey, you alright?»  
He didn’t listen. He never does.  
«Oi, you’re scaring me. Are you ok?»  
It was someone’s else fault, right?  
«Hinata?!»  
_Bring him back. Bring him back. Bring him back._  
«Hajime Hinata!»  
He shouted, obtaining his attention at last. Kazuichi gave him a troubled stare, but it took him some time to recover from his thoughts before answering properly.  
«Ah- sorry, I zoned out for a second…»  
«You seem like zoning out quite often now. Are you sure you’re okay? Are you eating properly?»  
«I am? No need to worry about me.»  
A silence filled with both of their tension.  
«It’s because of _him_ , yeah?»  
Hajime paused. Because it was obvious at that point that the only thing he did everyday was thinking about him, and everyone else could notice. The other put a hand on his shoulder, trying to find the right words to say in that situation.  
«Look, I know it’s a dumb thing to say, but- we should have faith in Tsumiki. She’s amazing, and I’m sure she’s doing her best now.»  
He nodded, forcing a small smile: he was grateful for the friend’s words, don’t get him wrong, he was just- too stressed out to think straight.  
«And we’re all here for you if you need! Got it?»  
«Yeah, yeah! Don’t scream in my ear!»  
He was _really_ grateful, you have no idea. Maybe someone’s company was what he needed to distract himself from the last events.  
«Now then, what were we saying-»  
« _Hinata-san!!_ »  
Shook crossed his face as a sudden scream echoed in the air: they both turned their heads towards the young nurse, her cheeks red and her breath heavy because of the run.  
«Tsumiki?! What happened?»  
_Maybe it’s a sign._  
«Hinata… san…»  
_Please let it be a sign._  
«The hospital…»  
«Hey, keep calm, what happen-»  
_«Please come to the hospital!!»_  
  
  
~  
  
  
He didn’t even bother to look back. Faster, always faster, his legs began moving on their own, and the destination was pretty much evident at that point. He left the others without any notice, but he’ll make sure to apologize for that later.  
If Tsumiki was in such a hurry and told him to go there, that means something was going on. He didn’t know what to expect, maybe a miracle, maybe a tragedy, but he didn’t waste time thinking about _what ifs_ and possible scenarios. It wasn’t important, not in that moment.  
He hurried to the hospital as fast as he could, not even asking for the number of his room. Slamming every single door open didn’t sound like a good idea, but whatever, it’s not like there were many doors to begin with. In the end, he was able to see it.  
«Oh, _Hinata-kun_. Morning.»  
He stared at him for quite a while, half-bewildered, half-mad, because _what the fuck, Nagito, what the fuck is wrong with you, why would you do something like that,_ but leaving the anger apart, he was so, _so_ relieved that Komaeda opened his eyes again, still alive and breathing.  
«Had it not been for the laws of this school trip and for your condition, I would have slaughtered you.»  
The other laughed, genuinely, kindly, as if his mind was already emptied of the demons haunting him. Just the thought assaulted him with a wave of sadness.  
«Stop it, you’re scaring me.»  
«You _should_ be scared! What’s wrong with you?!»  
«Eh, what do you mean?»  
«You know what I’m talking about! God-»  
«Ah…»  
He lowers his head, thinking that maybe his hospital gown was a more interesting sight than his face. He found a thin layer of sorrow in his irises, even though he tried to mask them with his usual smile.  
«Sorry about that.»  
« _Sorry?!_ » he shouted unconsciously. «We- I was scared shitless!»  
Komaeda remained speechless for a moment or two, but then he finally sighed.  
«Hinata-kun is too kind.»  
A raised eyebrow.  
«Huh?»  
«Worrying about someone like me is useless, but… you still care-»  
«I’m going to punch you in the face.»  
Another chuckle.  
«Please don’t do that!»  
Hinata exhaled _deeply_ , because he knew he needed patience in order to deal with him, and he started pissing him off by now. He sat next to him on the side of the bed, making sure to maintain good eye contact.  
«We were all worried about you, you know.»  
Silence. _Come on, Hinata, you can do it._ He let out a sigh, thinking about the right words to say next, but- _oh, who even cares, at this point._  
«I’m glad you’re back.»  
He tried looking into his eyes and ended up noticing his jaw slightly opened, and his brows risen in surprise, like he just heard the most unexpected thing from the most unexpected man. Well, technically that’s what happened. Hajime gave him a questioning look in response.  
«…are you okay?»  
«Yes!» he answered promptly, like he was expecting a question like that. «That was just- sudden, that’s it.»  
«Did I surprise you?»  
«Yeah…»  
«Wow, the tables sure have turned.»  
They both exchanged smiles, as if they were old buddies who knew each other almost all their lives and nothing really happened between them before. The brunet took the other’s hand in his own, inspecting it thoroughly: Komaeda’s skin felt cold against his, but it was only a matter of time before it started warming up from his touch. A soft pinkish hue covered their cheeks as they kept losing and finding themselves again in the shade of each other’s eyes. No words were needed between them, at least not yet.  
«I should go» Hinata spoke, breaking the peaceful climate. «The others should come soon, I’m sure they wanna see you too.»  
A pained expression appeared on his face, and it was not easy to just leave him like that, not after that _exchange_ , and he didn’t want to, but-  
«Will you come again?»  
Oh. That sure was unexpected. He shook his head, trying his best to maintain his composure.  
«Of course. But only if you promise me you’ll get some rest!»  
The other giggles, covering his mouth with a hand.  
«I’ll try.»  
«Promise!»  
«Fine, fine! I will!»  
He smiles, proud of his hard work, because come on, you have to be extra careful and patient to deal with Komaeda. He was about to leave the room, but decided to stop right after having _the_ realization, because _oh, no, he’s not going to escape this time._ He returned next to his bed, searching for something in his pocket until the same, infamous pink ticket showed up from the dark. He put it on the nearest dresser, without saying a single word.  
«Uhm- Hinata-kun…?»  
«Do you remember what I told you that day?» He wasn’t expecting an answer anyway. «Choose the place. Tell me when you’re ready. Don’t fuck anything up this time. This is your last chance.»  
Of course it wasn’t, he just wanted to scare him a bit. But, scaring Komaeda? Hah, that wasn’t enough for him. The other nodded, freeing a simple laugh from his mouth.  
«Alright, alright. Thank you for the second chance?»  
«Yeah, whatever.»  
He glimpsed at his body one last time, before making a step outside.  
«Hinata-kun?»  
Wait.  
«Yeah?»  
«I’ll make sure you won’t regret this.»  
He didn’t know why or how, but that sentence- that _damn_ sentence and the way he said it was enough to make him flustered: he coughed, mumbling something that was originally supposed to be a “you better”, but ended up being a unrecognizable mess of various mumblings. Once he was finally out, he leaned his back against the wall, covering his face with a hand to make sure it wasn’t too hot, or else the others would start questioning him about what the hell happened in that room, and he didn’t want them to start thinking _stuff._  
Meanwhile, that ticket took place between Nagito’s hands, bringing the sweetest smile to his lips.  
  
  
~  
  
  
Time sure flies when your mind is free from all the scary thoughts that never grow tired of repeating themselves. Almost two weeks passed in the blink of an eye between the trips to the sea and the hospital: they made an arrangement with Mikan to go visit him all together, so he couldn’t have the chance of feeling alone anymore. Seeing such a big smile on his face every time they came to the hospital was really a blessing for them, and everybody did their best to make him feel at ease and, more importantly, loved and appreciated as part of the group: Sonia was the first one to hug him once she entered the room, Souda and Kuzuryuu told him about all the stuff that happened in the meantime, Akane fed him Teruteru’s cooking using, uhm, let’s say _gentle persuasion,_ Mahiru took the time to shoot photos of the island to show him and Gundham made him play with his dark lords _under his vigilant eyes._ The others just kept him company while Tsumiki took care of his wonds, but he was happy with just the little things we did for him every day. It felt different to see that guy like that, because after all, even though he was still a weirdo, he was first of all _human_ , and a sucker for affection. _How cute_ , yeah.  
The sunset was already ending, but there was still some time left before the night announcement. Hajime didn’t really know what to do, so he decided to spend the rest of the day in his bed only for a change of pace, and also because helping Kazuichi out _destroyed_ him. He didn’t even bother covering himself with a blanket since he was about to fall asleep right in the exact instant his face touched the pillow, almost immediately, like a powerful witch’s spell. Too bad that sweet magic suddenly disappeared when the sound of knuckles hitting the door arrived at his ears. He stood up, still half-asleep, doing his best to not fall down while using the door handle. The sight of that green parka and fluffy white hair was strong enough to bring him back from his eternal nap: he opened his eyes widely, realizing just then that he’s been staring at him for a while, looking like an absolute fool. Good job, Hinata.  
«Komaeda?!»  
«Hi» he said using a quiet, delicate tone. «Did I wake you up?»  
_“You got me.”_  
«No, don’t worry about that- instead, weren’t you supposed to be in your bed?»  
«Well, yeah, but Tsumiki-san told me it was okay to go out a bit just today.»  
«I see… so, what are you doing here?»  
He showed off the ticket the other gave him a week ago, and a smirk appeared on his face as he made sure it was settled right near his face.  
_Oh._ So that’s it. He certainly wasn’t expecting him to come so soon, or almost at nighttime, but come on, everything was possible if we’re talking about someone like Nagito Komaeda.  
«Oh- ah, yeah, you’re ready?»  
«Mh-hm- but is it okay for you? You look tired.»  
«Since when did you start caring so much about me…? I’m okay, anyway.»  
He didn’t sound really convincing.  
«We can hang out some other day if you don’t feel like going out now, I don’t want Hinata-kun to waste his energies on someone like-»  
«Komaeda, look.» He immediately stopped him, holding his chin tight in his hand. «I was the one who told you I wanted to do this. I told you to choose the place and the time. It’s okay. You wanna go, right? Give me the time to wash my face and we’re ready to go, got it?»  
The other nodded, a hint of surprise in his eyes.  
«Good boy.» he let him go and looked around his room. «Now give me a minute and I’m ready- do you wanna come inside?»  
He shook his head.  
«I’ll wait here!»  
«As you wish…»  
  
  
  
~  
  
  
The amusement park wasn’t really an usual choice for someone like him, with all those balloons and happy things, but I guess once in a while it never hurt anybody. He didn’t want to admit it, but it was fun to ride the merry-go-round, especially since Nagito really seemed like he was enjoying himself there. He confessed he always wanted to try going on something like the carousel, and he was not disappointed by the long, intense ride. After that, they both sat down on the nearest bench, looking at the red sky in front of their eyes. Silence ruled between them for a bit, until Hajime noticed a flashy crepe stand nearby.  
«Do you want a crepe?»  
«Uh?»  
«I asked you if you wanted a crepe.»  
«Ah-» he let out a nervous laughter. «No, it’s fine!»  
«Are you sure?»  
«Yes, I don’t really like sweet things anyway….»  
«Well, do what you want, I’m gonna get one anyway, so wait here!»  
Nagito murmured a single “okay”, but the other was already too far away for him to hear what he said. Luckily, it didn’t take him too long and he returned after a short time with a big, sweet bomb with strawberries and cream all over it. It was really- cute, yes. Specially the way Hajime looked at it with the happiness of a baby that was about to eat his favorite food. _Cute._  
«You sure you don’t want anything?»  
«Don’t worry! I don’t want you to spend your coins for me…»  
He breathed out, _really heavily_ , exhausted by his usual monologues. He didn’t get angry at him though, on the contrary, he explained to him that he shouldn’t be too hard on himself, that it was okay for him to spend money on his friends and blah, blah, blah. Will he finally be able to understand all of that? Who knows. After that quick talk, Hajime finally decided to go straight to the point.  
«What’s wrong?»  
«What?»  
«Don’t play dumb» he took a bite out of his crepe. «You promised me, didn’t you? That you would have told me everything.»  
He averted his gaze, looking down at his shoes: yes, it was true he promised him that, but how could he tell him _everything_? And what did “everything” consisted of? His feelings? The stupid stuff he did? What else? But it was too late to regret past decisions, wasn’t it? He took a deep breath, trying to reorganize his thoughts.  
«…Don’t get mad at me, okay?»  
«Relax, I won’t. Now tell me.»  
He stared at him quite intensely, consuming his food from time to time like a kid  enjoying a good movie. Was he enjoying that? Good question. He gathered all of his courage to answer that question, and even though he stuttered a bit sometimes, he finally poured all his feelings out.  
«I- was lonely. I’m not like you, no one usually wants to spend time with me, and you were always together with Nanami-san and- you know, Hinata-kun. Seeing you two together makes me feel _strange_. I don’t know how to explain that.»  
«Are you jealous, Komaeda?»  
Silence. _Jealousy_ , yeah, that was probably the right word.  
«…maybe» he said bluntly. «I wasn’t angry at you, or at her, I was mad mostly at myself, for believing that you could actually be happy with useless trash like me- how foolish of me…I know too well I’m not good enough for you… you’ll never find true joy in m-»  
He wasn’t allowed to talk anymore. Not for now, at least.  
He always expected the first kiss to be sour, but Hinata’s lips were soft like cake and tasted sugary-sweet, and even though he didn’t like sweets at all, he knew that from that moment on that would have been his favorite flavor: the sweetness of the strawberries covered with cream overwhelmed his mouth, causing him to fully savor the new taste he was experiencing. He was initially unsure how to respond to that sudden touch, but he eventually became captivated by that kiss and returned the gesture. It started off as something pure, but somehow they grew used to it and deepened the kiss, each other’s tongues occupied in a charming, elegant dance. Komaeda grabbed on to his shoulders as Hajime’s grip on his waist tightened, both of them fully indulging in their own never unspoken desires: even the good things must come to an end, unfortunately, and theirs came when Hajime pulled away, both of them gasping for air. The only proof of their passionate connection consisted in the string of drool that linked each other’s lips. They looked into each other’s eyes, paralyzed, still drowning in that moment of captivation, until the other finally realized what was going on and snapped back into reality.  
«Ah- I…»  
He pulled back gaining some distance, but not enough to separate their intertwined fingers.  
«I didn’t mean to-!»  
Komaeda stared at the ground, his face heating up like never before, because _what the hell just happened_ : he thought for a bit about something to say, even if, really, what could you say in a situation like that, before letting out a really awkward «W-well, that sure was unexpected…»  
_Good Lord._ Hinata coughed, trying to shake the embarrassment off. «What I wanted to say was that you, uhm, have no reason to feel that way?»  
He gave him a monotone response, maybe because he was dubious even then, maybe because his lips still tasted like strawberries. But it was too early for Hajime to give up.  
«I mean- you’re…» give him a moment. «…really precious to me, Nagito.»  
Komaeda immediately turned away, visibly shaking: if hiding his blush was already hard before, now that he turned into a tomato it became almost impossible. He gulped, doing his best to keep calm.  
_He never called him by his first name before._ That’s the reason why he was freaking out so much under his feeble protective shell. He made eye-contact with him, although that meant making him see how vulnerable he really was.  
«Can you say it again…?»  
He looked at him quite confused. «…you’re really precious to me…?»  
Almost there.  
«Y-yeah, that’s fine too-»  
« _Nagito?_ »  
_Fuck._ He glanced at him one last time, before deciding that the ground was a better show to see for him. Hajime could probably hear his pounding heartbeat and see the evident scarlet cloud that covered his entire face, but _whatever,_ it’s not like he had something else to lose. He felt the other’s grip on his hand tighten, as an act to give him courage and say it was okay: he exhaled heavily, trying to not make up words.  
«It’s the first time you call me like that…»  
«Did you like it?» he smiled peacefully. «You can use my first name too when the others are not around. I’ll do the same!»  
Komaeda nodded, giving him a true smile once and for all. He was truly happy, but the fear of losing him against his bad luck was still strong and powerful, even if he decided to ignore it at least for today. A wise decision? I wonder.  
«Anyway» Hinata broke the silence one more time. «Sorry for earlier- I…don’t want to force anything on you, and-»  
_That’s it._  
«Hi- _Hajime._ »  
«Yes?»  
_Once in a while, he can allow himself to be greedy too._  
«You can… do that again, if you want…»  
  
  
  
  
~  
  
  
The sun was already rising, and the tiny glimmer of light inside the room was a concrete evidence. He slowly opened his eyes, trying to remember what happened yesterday: the hospital, the meeting with Hajime, the amusement park and _oh god all that._ Even so, everything that happened after that was still blurry in his mind. At least he woke up in his own bedroom, how lucky. He rubbed his eyes, taking a step out of the bed, but a familiar voice took him off guard.  
«Ah, you’re awake!»  
_Holy shit._  
«Morning! Want some orange juice?»  
He nodded, not really focusing about what just happened, but to sum it up: what was Hinata doing in his cottage. Why were there clothes scattered all over the floor. And the most important mystery of them all, why was Hajime half-naked. I mean, he was still wearing his shirt and jeans, but what about him. Wait, wait, there was something else. He looked intensely at his body, blushing a little after the realization.  
«…are those _my_ underwear?»  
«Oh, yeah» he leaned his back against the fridge. «Mines were dirty, so I borrowed one of yours. Hope you don’t mind.»  
«No… you can keep them…»  
He giggled, taking a sip of his cup of juice. The more he looked at him, at his body and his smooth skin, the more Komaeda knew how much he was falling in love with him and him only. He waited for the other to sit next to him on the bed to hug him from behind, hiding his face in the hollow of his neck, letting his perfume flood all his senses. Hajime didn’t say anything against it, welcoming more than gladly all of his cute gestures.  
«How are you feeling?» he asked, caressing his hand gently.  
«I’m fine, but- you? How was it?»  
_“I mean, if your underwear are dirty and you’re showing so much skin- not to talk about all those clothes, something must have happened last night”_ he wanted to say, but he just mumbled a simple “you know” and pointed his head towards the pile of clothing.  
«Aaah, that…» he remained silent, not knowing how to explain what happened. _What happened?_ «Yeah, actually- you fell asleep before we could even do something…»  
_Oh._ Well, was that disappointing. Nagito felt his face burning with shame, and the other boy probably noticed it too: he laughed, spreading various kisses all over his hot face to reassure him.  
«I told you, you shouldn’t overwork yourself too much. Think about Tsumiki! If she knew, I bet she’ll probably kill me for stealing you away from the hospital.»  
That made him laugh and calmed his spirits a bit.  
«Yeah, I should probably come back soon…»  
«Let me ask you something first» he hazarded. «You didn’t tell me this yesterday.»  
Alright, alright. What could possibly go wrong?  
«What is it?»  
«Why did you keep avoiding me?»  
_This_. Well, he really didn’t have a reason to lie anymore, and it was time to finally confess everything. That was the only thing he could do to repay him for making him worry so much, at least. He was not ready, but he did not hesitate.  
«I didn’t want you to get too involved with me. You know, because of my infinite cycle of bad and look luck… everyone that gets too close to me ends up hurt and damaged because of my luck- because of _me_ , and- I didn’t want to hurt you too…»  
_«Your luck has nothing to do with this.»_  
«Huh?!»  
He was sincerely surprised by the spontaneity of that answer, but he was even more surprised when Hinata pushed him on the bed, his hands holding his wrists, chest to chest, skin against skin. He blushed a bit, acknowledging how close they were.  
«I’ll always be here. And do you know why I’m so sure about it?»  
«Go on.»  
«You tried so hard to keep me away from you, and now look at this! You didn’t expect this to happen, did you?»  
A sudden epiphany.  
«Don’t tell me…»  
He grinned, as if he was proud of what he was going to say.  
«Yes» he freed one of his hands to hold his cheek. «Nagito Komaeda, _meeting me was the biggest misfortune of your whole life._ »  
Nagito blinked, one, two, maybe four times, before finding out a way to respond.  
«You’re crazy…»  
«Maybe, but doesn’t that mean that now only good luck will come to you?»  
«You’re right, I guess» he smiled, a little touched by that weird speech. «Does that mean you’ll have to stay by my side forever then? Doesn’t that sound boring?»  
Hajime gave him the most radiant smile he has ever seen in his life, and that alone was enough to prove him that everything- the future, the present, he himself- was going to be alright.  
«You’ve always been far from boring, Nagito.»  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> headcanon: komaeda's favorite food is strawberry and cream bc it reminds him of his first kiss with hajime. yeah. you're welcome
> 
> OK SO i finally finished this fic. can you believe this shit? i honestly can't either  
> it's almost 1 am here but i really wanted to post this chapter soon so. yeah. here it is. a softer komahina bc in the first chapter i wrote about people fucking dying
> 
> so!! i hope you liked this fic!! ;; thank you for reading it 'till the end!! now i will probably work about my highschool!AU and other fics? but yeah. im really tired. anyway!! once again, thank you for reading!!! heres a cookie


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